Avengers: Goin' On Patrol
by CrazySugarFreakBoy
Summary: Set shortly after the events of "Avengers: Warbird's XXX-Mas Gift to the Wasp", Carol shares some spicy bedroom gossip in a girl-talk session with She-Hulk, and the Vision becomes much more popular with his female teammates ...


Not too far into the future ...  
  
She-Hulk: So, Carol, how did your date with Vizh go, the other night?  
  
Warbird: Um, well, it was ... nice.  
  
She-Hulk: Uh-huh. I'll bet. Come on, hon. You don't walk into the breakfast nook in the morning with a dopey grin like the one you're wearing if a date was just "nice". Spill the beans, girl!  
  
Warbird: Oh, all right! It's just, it was ... oh, wow. First, he takes me to dinner and out dancing ...  
  
She-Hulk: Uh-huh ...  
  
Warbird: Then, after we're both nearly worn out from our night out on the town, he escorts me back to the mansion doorstep, like any good gentleman would ...  
  
She-Hulk: And ... ?  
  
Warbird: And ... we went on patrol.  
  
She-Hulk: You what? But, Carol, we don't even GO on patrol anymore, unless there's some sort of state of emergency or -  
  
Warbird: No, no, no. We didn't go on patrol. We went ON PATROL.   
  
She-Hulk: You mean ... oh, no! You didn't!  
  
Warbird: We went on patrol ... all night long. Oh, God! It had been so long, I'd almost forgotten what it was like!  
  
She-Hulk: I still can't believe - I mean, you and Vizh ...  
  
Warbird: YOU can't believe? Ever since that night, *I* can't believe Wanda ever let him go! Jen, it was just so ... jeez, I don't even think I can do it justice, it was so good.  
  
She-Hulk: Don't get too carried away there, sweetie. A gal's liable to think he was the best you'd ever gone on patrol with, or something.  
  
Warbird: Um ... well, since you put it that way ...  
  
She-Hulk: You're serious!?  
  
Warbird: Heaven help me, but I think so.  
  
She-Hulk: Well, shoot, if he's THAT good at goin' on patrol, we might just have to draw up a duty roster, so that ALL us girls can go on patrol with him! After all, it's practically criminal, you holdin' out and keepin' him all to yourself like that.  
  
Warbird: Mm. Well, maybe it's just because I'm in a generous mood, after all the generosity that's been shown to me in the past few nights, but ... I wouldn't mind.  
  
She-Hulk: Really???  
  
Warbird: It's not like we've decided to be exclusively involved with one another yet, or anything, so, no, I guess I wouldn't mind Vizh going on patrol with other women.  
  
The Vision: An interesting proposition.  
  
She-Hulk: AAAHHH!!! Jeez, Vizh, you've got to stop sneaking UP on people like that!  
  
The Vision: My apologies, Jennifer. I could not help but overhear your conversation with Carol, though, about the previous night, when we -  
  
Warbird: Went on patrol.  
  
The Vision: Erm, yes. And while I would normally be loath to, um, go on patrol with more than one teammate at a time, out of respect for all of my teammates, your recent disclosures have prompted me to reevaluate my hesitance to do so.  
  
She-Hulk: Is that a fact, now? Well, then, I think my lawyer's mind might be able to work out an arrangement that will leave all parties involved in this matter thoroughly ... satisfied.  
__________  
  
Two months later ...  
  
She-Hulk: Okay, lady Avengers! Ante up! Who's on the schedule to go on patrol with Vision tonight?  
  
Photon: Um, I think it's my turn, Jen.  
  
Firestar: No fair! I should get to go on patrol with Vision next! You're just a reservist! It's not right that you get to shove me aside, just because you have more seniority!  
  
Black Widow: Nyet, Angela. Is proper that due respect should be given to those who have been with team longer. Which is why is my turn to go on patrol with comrade Vision tonight. Besides, I did not think you were going on patrol with anyone until you married?  
  
Firestar: It's one thing to say that, but it's another to follow through on it. It's driving me crazy, that everyone gets to go on patrol but me! The only way I can keep it from overwhelming me is by going on short patrols by myself, but it's not nearly as satisfying. I don't know HOW Vance manages it!  
  
Moondragon: He doesn't. I saw him going on patrol with Captain America, just last night.  
  
Firestar: Shut up, Heather! You're such a liar!  
  
Moondragon: I'm only telling you what I saw. There's no need to be bitter, just because your fiancée would rather go on patrol with another man than with you -  
  
Warbird: Okay, okay, I think we're losing our focus here. Just to make the rotation easier, I'll go on patrol with Vision tonight -  
  
She-Hulk: Like hell you will! You've gone on patrol with him the last five nights running! Meanwhile, because not-so-Giant-Man Hank can't be bothered to come out of his lab for more than five minutes at a time, poor Jan's been waiting so long to go on patrol that she's worn out her Hitachi Magic Wand AND her massaging shower head!  
  
Wasp: Um, Jen, I really don't think there was any need to share that with the rest of the group ...  
  
She-Hulk: And what about ME, for cryin' out loud!? The last time I even came CLOSE to going on patrol was when Luke Cage took me out to dinner in Heroes For Hire! I was so hard up, I almost took Bruce up on his offer when he came charging in to do the hot, sweaty, monkey-love thing with me in the Incredible Hulk 2000 Annual! If ANYONE should get first dibs for goin' on patrol with Vizh tonight, it should be me!  
  
Warbird: Uh-uh. No dice. We all already agreed on this, Jen - you don't get to go on patrol with Vizh until you learn not to break our toy. LAST time we let you go on patrol with him, you TOTALLY lost control, and Tony had to spend three WEEKS undoing the damage, completely rebuilding the Vision's lower body from scratch. That was three weeks that NONE of us got to go on patrol with him! Do we really want to go through that again? Every morning, we had to send Jarvis out to get another crate of D-cell batteries, just to survive! I'm pretty sure that, by the fourth or fifth day, he wasn't buying our excuse that the flashlights were sucking up THAT much power.  
  
The Vision: Excuse me, ladies ...  
  
She-Hulk: GAH!!! Dammit, Vizh, what did I tell you -  
  
The Vision: Yes, Jennifer, and I apologize, but once again, I could not help but overhear your conversation, and I must say that I feel deeply guilty for inadvertently causing such strife between teammates who are otherwise so close. Therefore, in the interests of fairness, I have elected to accommodate you all in my patrol tonight.  
  
Firestar: You ... you mean ... you're gonna go on patrol with ALL of us, in ONE NIGHT?  
  
The Vision: It will be difficult, but I am sure that I can, ah, rise to the challenge, as you might say.  
  
Warbird: *Sniff* Oh, Vizh! How selfless of you! You're the greatest hero of them all!  



End file.
